Sunday, June 20, 2004

Bambi in the Crosshairs

Special thanks go out to reader Matthew for calling my attention to this next extraordinary profile.

Meet Bambi

Bambi is the only name I could think of that would come close to conveying her appearance. She is young. She has long, perfect blonde hair. She is absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. In her pictures she is wearing standard attire for someone in her age – low-cut jeans with a waistline dropped down to the pubic line and a halter with some sort of built-in boobage-support apparatus. Given her appearance and raging hormone levels of guys her age, she is calling the shots. And call them she does in the following profile:


Why this girl doesn't date "Nice Guys"
Let's define some terms first. You may not agree with these definitions, but I'm going to use them for this rant anyway.

Jerk: Someone who screws you, then unceremoniously dumps you or, while feigning a relationship with you, screws around on you behind your back.

Nice guy: Someone who wants to date you, then marry you. Would never cheat on you. Optional: thinks you're just the greatest thing that ever lived.

Nice girl: Someone who wants to be dated and married. Would never cheat on her spouse. Optional: thinks her boyfriend/spouse is just the best guy in the world.

Notice the conspicuous lack of symmetry in Bambi’s definitions. For the nice guy there is the nice girl, but the jerk has no such counterpart. Shouldn’t there be a Jerkette? Don’t worry, there is. Read on . . .

OK. Why I don't date nice guys: No, it's not because jerks are inherently more interesting. Usually they're shallow twits. No, it's not because I'm a masochist. No, it's not because I have subconscious fears of a "real relationship." It's because I'm really not a "nice girl". Now, you'd never take me for a Sharon Stone ice-bitch type. I'm certainly capable of being polite and generous to my friends and family, but: I have a caustic, dark sense of humor completely lost on the average nice guy.

If she isn’t a Sharon Stone type of bitch, what kind is she?
Caustic. Now there’s a word not often encountered in dating profiles.


Some of the things I think could never be uttered in such a guy's presence. Kinda indicates that my mind works in different ways, no?

Oh Yes.

"Nice guys," when presented to you on a silver platter by a friend or other well-meaning person, tend not to be very attractive. But hey, they'll treat you right! Too bad. I won't date or bed a guy I don't find attractive. And no, a guy doesn't have to be gorgeous for me to find him attractive. He just has to have lived and have some sensuality about him. The words "give him a chance," to me, are the beginning of suicide of the soul. Men are never told to do that. I want what I want, just like men have always had the right to do, and I will get it or remain celibate and unattached.

No feminist lessons were lost on this little sex kitten. Chances at winning the Bambi prize are not given away; they must be earned. I can’t believe she broke out the “C” word in the last sentence.

I've had a lot of different experiences based on what I felt like doing at the time. Not all of those experiences are things that "nice girls" do. I'm not ashamed of them and I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. The "nice guys" I meet just haven't been where I've been.

I'm Curious. Just where has she been? And how many other life forms (both macro and micro scopic) were with her at the time?

Either they haven't lived that much, or they have hard- luck stories as a result of their forays into unexplored territory.

Gee, I’m a nice guy and the vast majority of my forays into unexplored territory have not resulted in any hard-luck stories.

I'm not interested. I don't act like a "nice girl." I don't smile sweetly, keep the conversation going, feign interest in boring topics, or do any of the other things that the nice girls do. If someone's being a fool, I look at him funny or I excuse myself to talk to someone more intelligent. As a result of my forthrightness, men approach me and in many cases are forthright about what they want from the outset.

There once was a man who was forthright
Who wanted to bed Bambi all night
She said with a gleam as she tore at his seam
“With his balls in my hand I will squeeze tight”.


I can take it or leave it; it's not intended as an insult. The "nice guys" stay with the sweet, cheery girls, where it's safe. The not-so- nice ones, the curious, the adventuresome, and the restless, look for something different. Sometimes they find me. In short: I like men who remind me of myself. They're complex, difficult, unpredictable at times. It's hard to stay with them. And no, they haven't been classic "jerks." It's just not that simple. Can a woman find "true love" (what the hell is that) with anyone other than a "nice guy?" I don't know what true love is, if anyone thinks they know, clue us in, please. But she may have a damn good time. No, it probably won't be a 50-year marriage with 5 kids and 20 grandkids. It might not even last a month. But those brief moments may be more fulfilling than years of purported domestic bliss with a fenced-in yard and a fenced-in spouse.

Fulfillment. Isn’t that what we are all after in the end? Yet it remains so elusive. Perhaps our religions and philosophies have brainwashed us all into believing long-term relationships are more fulfilling than the intense moment of ecstasy that occurs after a steamy shagging session. Yeah, I can see myself sitting in a rocker at the age of 93, still grinning from the afterglow of an orgasm I experienced 73 years ago. Nice plan, Bambi.

Epilog:
I should at least be gracious enough to let her have the last words. Here they are for your amazement and reading pleasure . .


Favorite Things: If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Faith: I live by my own philosophies,based on my own personal experiences.No lebel could encompass the wonder that is me! I wouldnt call my thinking a religion per say.


19 Comments:

At June 28, 2004 at 12:53 PM, Blogger Dr. Strangejazz said...

Just read your stuff. I found it to be funny and cynical. The funny thing is this part caught my eye.

"The words "give him a chance," to me, are the beginning of suicide of the soul. Men are never told to do that."

Men are taught that. At least I was. So I guess I'm the exception to that comment. Keep up the rantings.

 
At April 23, 2005 at 11:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Nice guy" and "nice girl" are obviously gender-specific, while "jerk" is not. There is no need for a female version of jerk because it already may be applied to women.

 
At August 13, 2005 at 10:36 PM, Blogger umgf0abwe82hptc said...

Big News From The Healthcare Industry!!

+++++++++++Current Profile+++++++++++
Faceprint Global Solutions (FCPG)
Current Price $0.15
A company with hot new identity solution products
and licenses with over 40 current governmental and
non-governmental contracts in negotiations.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Is this an undiscovered gem priced to go higher!!
Please read the following Announcement in its Entirety and Consider the Possibilities�
Watch this One to Trade!

FCPG volume trading is beginning to surge with this landslide Announcement. The value of this
stock appears poised for growth! This one should not remain on the ground floor for long.

BREAKING NEWS!!

Faceprint Global Solutions (FCPG) is pleased to announce that its European partner, Keyvelop, has teamed up with IBM's Partner World Industry Networks to deliver customer software requirement solutions for the international healthcare industry.
With FGS owning the exclusive North American rights to distribute the worlds leading encryption and transmission software developed by Keyvelop, FGS is poised to capture large volumes of sales generated by customers currently using IBM's software in the healthcare and other industries.
With traceability and security now deemed a serious business priority, companies are increasingly focused on employing procedures and controls designed to ensure the authenticity, integrity and confidentiality of electronic records.
"This is a very positive move for FGS and for Keyvelop," said FGS CEO Pierre Cote. "We are very happy about the decision to go with IBM. This is a continuation of the progress made by everyone associated with FGS and its partners."
Buell Duncan, IBM's general manager of ISV & Developer Relations commented, "Collaborating with Keyvelop will ensure that we develop open solutions that are easy to maintain and cost effective for our customers in the healthcare and life sciences industry."
Among other things, this new software technology which is currently being used by a number of European healthcare companies, is used to send any file, regardless of format or size. Encryption keys, evidence of transmission integrity with fingerprint calculation, time-stamping of all actions and status record updating, pre-checking sender and receiver identities, validating file opening dates are part of Keyvelop features.
About FacePrint Global Solutions, Inc.
FGS operates a business, which develops and delivers a variety of technology solutions, including biometric software applications on smart cards and other support mediums (apometric solutions). FGS's products provide biometric solutions for identity authentication and a host of smart card- and biometrics-related hardware peripherals and software applications. Apometrix, FGS's wholly-owned subsidiary, combines on-card or in-chip multi-application management solutions with best-of-breed 'in-card matching' biometrics. Keyvelop's secure digital envelope solution and Apometrix's on-card biometrics work together to produce the winning combination in the fields of security, traceability and identity management. FGS is headquartered in Fresno, California.
Conclusion:

The examples above show the Awesome, Earning Potential of little known Companies That Explode onto Investor's Radar Screens. This stock will not be a Secret for long. Then You May Feel the Desire to Act Right Now! And Please Watch This One Trade!
GO FCPG!

All statements made are our express opinion only and should be treated as such. We may own, take position and sell any securities mentioned at any time. Any statements that express or involve discussions with respect to predictions, goals, expectations, beliefs, plans, projections, objectives, assumptions or future events or performance are not statements of historical fact and may be "forward looking statements." Forward looking statements are based on expectations, estimates and projections at the time the statements are made that involve a number of risks and uncertainties which could cause actual results or events to differ materially from those presently anticipated. This profile is in no way affiliated with the featured company. We were compensated one thousand dollars from third party (IR Marketing) to distribute this report. Forward looking statements in this action may be identified through the use of words such as: "projects", "foresee", "expects". in compliance with Section 17(b), we disclose the holding of FGS shares prior to the publication of this report. Be aware of an inherent conflict of interest resulting from such holdings due to our intent to profit from the liquidation of these shares. Shares may be sold at any time, even after positive statements have been made regarding the above company. Since we own shares, there is an inherent conflict of interest in our statements and opinions. Readers of this publication are cautioned not to place undue reliance on forward-looking statements, which are based on certain assumptions and expectations involving various risks and uncertainties that could cause results to differ materially from those set forth in the forward- looking statements. This is not solicitation to buy or sell stocks, this text is for informational purpose only and you should seek professional advice from registered financial advisor before you do anything related with buying or selling stocks, penny stocks are very high risk and you can lose your entire investment.

 
At September 30, 2005 at 6:45 PM, Blogger jiri said...

Nice Blog!!! It looks like you've spent a fair amount of time setting it up and keeping the content fresh. I'll be sure to come back.

I have a online dating blog. It pretty much covers adult dating free related stuff.

Thanks again and keep up the good work.

 
At October 8, 2005 at 10:23 AM, Blogger Drunk Glory Hole said...

click for dating online single

 
At October 8, 2005 at 2:57 PM, Blogger milfcritic said...

click for dating personals

 
At November 10, 2005 at 2:15 PM, Blogger Our Lady of Fatima Biloxi said...

I really like your blog about help katrina victim I am definitely adding you to my favorites list. I have a similar blog that you might be interested in at help katrina victim come by and check it out when you get the time.

 
At January 4, 2006 at 7:06 PM, Blogger waltersmith6177 said...

I read over your blog, and i found it inquisitive, you may find My Blog interesting. My blog is just about my day to day life, as a park ranger. So please Click Here To Read My Blog

 
At January 27, 2006 at 7:37 AM, Blogger lisakline2678095825 said...

I read over your blog, and i found it inquisitive, you may find My Blog interesting. So please Click Here To Read My Blog

http://pennystockinvestment.blogspot.com

 
At May 9, 2006 at 3:11 PM, Blogger benprice60415059 said...

Get any Desired College Degree, In less then 2 weeks.

Call this number now 24 hours a day 7 days a week (413) 208-3069

Get these Degrees NOW!!!

"BA", "BSc", "MA", "MSc", "MBA", "PHD",

Get everything within 2 weeks.
100% verifiable, this is a real deal

Act now you owe it to your future.

(413) 208-3069 call now 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

 
At October 3, 2006 at 8:45 PM, Blogger mtx7j07sbq said...

hey, I just got a free $500.00 Gift Card. you can redeem yours at Abercrombie & Fitch All you have to do to get yours is Click Here to get a $500 free gift card for your backtoschool wardrobe

 
At October 9, 2006 at 6:46 PM, Blogger b9n74k said...

hey, I just got a free $500.00 Gift Card. you can redeem yours at Abercrombie & Fitch All you have to do to get yours is Click Here to get a $500 free gift card for your backtoschool wardrobe

 
At March 6, 2007 at 1:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

BUY CHEAP SUPER VIAGRA ONLINE AND SAVE 70 % OF MONEY...
BUY ONLINE HALF-PRICE VIAGRA. CHEAP VIAGRA

CHASE CARDS RATES

 
At March 18, 2007 at 3:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOMANs SUPERVIAGRA
index.html
WOMAN VIAGRA
DYSFUNCTION ERECTILE HELP.BUY VIAGRA ONLINE.LOW-COST CIALIS VIAGRA LEVITRA
ACNE MEDICINE ONLINE
buy occutane
WHAT IS ANTHELMINTICS
ANTHELMINTICS
ANTIBACTERIAL MEDICINE & CARE
AMOXIL LOW-COST
AMPICILLIN ONLINE

low-cost ampicillin
BUY CHEAP BACTRIM
backtrim
NEW DRUGS & PILLS… SUPER-VIAGRA…
cialis online
BUY CIPRO ONLINE
half-price cipro
BUY CHEAP DIFLUCAN ONLINE
ANTI FUNGAL MEDICINE
BUY CHEAP SUPER VIAGRA ONLINE AND SAVE 70 % OF MONEY...
BUY GENERIC CIALIS
APPLY YOUR CREDIT CARD and SAVE 70 %

 
At April 3, 2007 at 1:56 PM, Anonymous Desdemona said...

At least she has the capacity to know that she is not a nice girl. Is this really a profile from eHarmony? I would have guessed myspace, from the sound of it. Then again, I suppose people like this are not uncommon.

 
At April 21, 2008 at 10:16 PM, Anonymous Kurt said...

That girl sounds like a dirty skank. I would not want a girl like that.

 
At November 12, 2009 at 9:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

viagra results cheap viagra walmart viagra doseage 2007 viagra hmo suppliers of viagra problems with viagra viagra 100mg low cost viagra is there a female viagra viagra 100mg videos viagra viagra cheap price iframe how to get viagra buy viagra soft online

 
At January 17, 2010 at 9:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmmm.. some free dating sites make money with adsense etc..



---------------
filipinaheart

 
At November 17, 2012 at 11:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

can you buy xanax online generic xanax good xanax - buy xanax tablets online

 

Post a Comment

<< Home